What Is Domestic Abuse?
Let’s get the wording out of the way first.
These two terms are often used interchangeably. Domestic violence is a form of domestic abuse, and generally refers to violent, abusive behavior. Most other forms of domestic abuse are the foundation for domestic violence. Physical violence will typically come later in the relationship after the abuser has already engaged in other forms of abuse.
The 6 Types of Domestic Abuse
There are many forms of domestic abuse, and every situation is unique. However, there are common factors that can make a relationship abusive. These are the main types.
This isn’t just hitting. Physical abuse is any act of violence against you. This can include slapping, scratching, punching, kicking, grabbing, pushing, pulling or shoving you, pulling your hair, hitting, biting, pinching, strangling and burning you. Or, it could be throwing an object at you.
Designed to make you feel bad or feel bad about yourself, by criticising, belittling or demeaning you. It includes name-calling, other insults, verbal threats, public humiliation, isolation from other people, manipulation, mind games, intimidation, trying to control you, gaslighting or blaming you.
If you are made to do something sexually that you don’t want to do. And if you consent to something because you’ve been pressured, forced, threatened, intimidated or punished, it is not consent. This does not have to be physical – it could be using sexual insults toward you or forcing you to watch pornography.
When someone restricts or controls your access to money or other resources, like food, clothes, and transport, without your consent. You could be put into debt without your knowledge or restricted from working the hours you want – or from working at all.
Abusers use technology to monitor and control, like spyware on your phone/laptop to track you, control what you can and can’t post or share on social media, and send threatening or spiteful messages to you. Sharing intimate photos or videos, or threatening to do so, without your consent is illegal.
When force or threats are used to make you do something you don’t want to do. It can also be a pattern of behaviour used to insult, shame, degrade, humiliate, punish or control someone. Like, controlling what you wear and who you see, or constantly calling/texting you while you’re out. Coercive control is a crime.
Think you’re in an abusive relationship?
It can be really hard to know whether your experiences, or those of someone you care about, qualify as abuse.
The above descriptions of abuse might feel difficult to read and even more painful to acknowledge. However, the road to taking action starts with knowing that it isn’t you, and that you’re not imagining it.
Remember, if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
So, what next?
Click one of the boxes to find out more about domestic abuse in the UK, other people’s stories, or to get help.